Many of you may have heard of the love language test online by Gary Chapman called the 5 love languages. You go through a little quiz and answer questions about what you would appreciate more from and in a partner. Then at the end the computer tells you which of the five is your dominant love language, and then the other four in order to the least. I redid my test the other day just because I was positive my primary love language hadn’t changed, but I was curious if any of the others had maybe switched places. Now I actually did this quiz with a completely different mindset as well. I took it while thinking of how I would treat myself and which one of the two questions I would care about more. It doesn’t just have to be about how you want your partner to treat you, which don’t get me wrong is very important to know, but it also can be used to figure out how you can treat yourself to help build up your own self love and confidence in yourself as a person. I always say we are our best friends, but also our worst enemies. We can have our own backs one minute and then the next be beating ourselves up for something we did that we think was so incredibly dumb. And then that makes us think less of ourselves and struggle with our self-image.
I know I get mixed responses when I say the words self love…. Many people have a negative connotation with those words just due to the fact it could sound self centered and egotistical. The type of self love I am talking about however, is the type of love for oneself that you care enough to try and do what is best for you as a person. It is self-care and doing what you yourself know will make you more confident and secure in your person. That is why I redid that quiz. I wanted to find out what was my primary form of love language and then figure out how I could do things for myself that I appreciated, and that made me happier with myself.
My primary love language is quality time. After telling both my parents they both said they were not surprised at all and that was completely me. Quality time for me doesn’t mean we have to go do something fancy or extravagant…. It means just spending time with that special person. I like to be around people I care about, and know I’m coming home at the end of the day to someone special. At the same time however, I love to have time to myself. I find the best time I recharge is when I can quietly do something that makes me happy. Like listening to music while writing, watching a baking show, playing music while singing, or even baking because the cooking show inspired me. These are things that recharge me and make me feel complete again. They match completely with my primary love language too because I am spending quality time with myself.
For others it could be for example acts of service. That could be cleaning a room, treating yourself to something you’ve been wanting (which also is gift giving), but find ways to treat yourself with your love language, and don’t be afraid to share what your love language is with others. That way they know how they can best click with you if they are trying to make you feel important. I found in past relationships or almost relationships as well that belittling your love language to fit with the other person’s has negative repercussions not only on the relationship, but on yourself as well. So be honest with yourself and others around you. Be confident in sharing what are the ways that helps you feel loved. What is the way or ways you feel recharged through self care and love. Love is one of my favorite words because it can encompass so much. Love for others, something,yourself, etc. Please include yourself in that list. Many times we forget to add ourselves to the list of people we need to love, or we just don’t feel we are worthy of our own love. Well freaking yes we are!!!
I am adding the link for the quiz so you all should go through and take it, and take it either way you want. With how you want your partner to treat you or how you’d like to treat yourself, or you could even do both and see if it comes out the same, which it should! Then let the people around you know that about you, PLUS find ways to treat yourself. I’m excited to delve more into this topic this week of self love and even just love in general. We all deserve lots of love.
Picture by Jacob Pace