Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love- Brené Brown
I am amazing and enough. Be kind to yourself like you are to all those around you. Treat yourself as you treat those you care for. This is slightly like the golden rule, but backwards due to the fact we must care for ourselves as well. Don’t forget about yourself… Talk to yourself like you would to a loved one. You care for those people and you can tell in the way you speak to them. Why then do we so often leave ourselves in the dark and save the back talk for ourselves? We can’t do that…. We won’t be able to survive in the long run if we do that. We’ll wear ourselves down instead of lifting ourselves up.
I know I sometimes struggle with this. We all have our off days when we just don’t feel one hundred percent ourselves. We feel less and so talk to ourselves in that way as well. We find ourselves comparing and then everything goes in a downward spiral from there. Comparison is the thief of joy. We can admire and get inspired by other’s journeys, but never compare your journey or results to someone else’s or you will never be satisfied. You will always be chasing the horizon. The same goes with talking one way to those around you and another way to yourself. You will always be not enough in your eyes.
We all have those little insecurities that we often hide from everyone around us. I know I have a few. Those are what hold us back from fully embracing how incredible we are. We are however, our worst critics. I bet those insecurities and so called “flaws” we see in ourselves to those around us are nothing, or are what make us unique. We need to work towards embracing those differences as a crucial part of us. We need to love ourselves completely, because in the long run we really are the only ones who can love ourselves completely, and all the time. Others of course will love us, but we will for sure do things once in a while that annoy or rub others the wrong way. We are all only human and slip-ups happen, but if we can love ourselves fully, others will also love us and gravitate towards us. We attract like-minded people. Real attracts real, and being secure in yourself you will attract others like that as well.
What are ways we can help ourselves stop the back talk and begin to talk to and about ourselves in a loving way? We have to start somewhere and often we consciously have to take the time to talk to ourselves positively as well as stop ourselves in our tracks when the back talk starts. We always have to be on alert because our brain can either be our best friend or worst enemy. One minute our brain can be sending those happy positive vibes, the next tearing us apart. We can be in control of those thoughts though. If we really want to be secure in ourselves we must be in control of our thoughts. We must be able to consciously stop and tell ourselves “no stop that right now, you are worth it,” when a negative thought crosses our mind. We don’t usually think that way about the people we really care for so how are we different? If we truly care about ourselves, why the negative thoughts? We are warriors and fight for what we believe is right and for our loved ones. So why not fight for ourselves? Fight for what is best for us, and that can even means fighting ourselves as well.
I have consciously tried to always be on alert now when the back talk starts to creep in. My brain trying to tell me I’m not good enough, I’m too strange for people to connect with, or I’m too quiet. Those are definitely thoughts that like to cross my mind. I used to let them affect my mood and day, and my insecurity was so strong. I’m not sure exactly when I decided to put a stop to all that, but now when those thoughts try to cross my mind I will stop what I’m doing and tell myself no I am worth it. Sometimes I even say it out loud to get the point across. We have to stand up for ourselves. We have to encourage and love ourselves so in the long run we can flourish and succeed. Many people water and nurture plants, some even talk and sing to their plants. Why not water and take care of yourself as well. Do the things needed for you to flourish and grow in confidence and security.
Take the time to be your strongest supporter. Stand up for yourself and stop your back talk. Instead replace the negative words with positive encouragement. Give yourself pep talks in the mirror. It may sound trivial or even a bit silly to some, but it does help! I give myself pep talks in my car. I turn the music up and start loudly telling myself that I am enough. Those are powerful moments when you have your own back and know you are so worth it. You see how incredible you are. Wouldn’t it be so amazing if that was how we always saw ourselves? I was talking with a friend of mine the other day and she brought up the sad question: Is anyone truly ALWAYS happy and secure in themselves? The sad truth is I don’t think so…. Even the most confident secure people will have an off day here and there, because the human brain and emotions are fickle. There is the onslaught of our society as well, of always being like someone or something else. So it’s a daily struggle and battle. I love picturing myself though, as a warrior fighting to be wholly myself and share the truth. Fighting and supporting myself so I can flourish and grow stronger each day. Be there for yourself and care. Please care about yourself. Treat yourself well. Don’t be kind to all those around you and then neglect yourself because you don’t feel worth it. You so are worth it and imagine how much more amazing you could potentially be if you were secure and loved yourself completely.
Picture by Robert Rosenberg