Phoenix

As the legend goes, when the phoenix resurrects from the flames, she is even more beautiful than before. – Unknown 

The very basic definition of a phoenix that I got off of Wikipedia was;

In Ancient Greek folklore, a phoenix is a long-lived bird that cyclically regenerates or is otherwise born again. Associated with the sun, a phoenix obtains new life by arising from the ashes of its predecessor

Growing up is an interesting time for everyone. Navigating the emotions, and all the life lessons, while still enjoying and making lasting memories. I am in no way complaining about my life.. I am just going to quickly state there were a few parts of my childhood I wish I could have changed, or hadn’t been put through. The way I was brought up definitely played with my self confidence and insecurity. For the longest time I felt I was only good enough to be a friend or be known as “with that person”, never “hey this is Mikaela..” plain and simple, known for being myself. I fell into the trap of when people would ask me to tell about myself my first answer always was, “well there isn’t much to tell…” Looking back I wish I could go to those previous times and pull young Mikaela out of those situations. I wish I could have been there to tell her she wasn’t a shadow, and she could shine and be her own incredible person.

Growing up I think a huge thing for me was finding the balance between humility and being kind to someone, and then letting other’s take advantage of my kindness. There is a line, it is fine, but it’s there! Humility is definitely a virtue and something I try to work on each day, but when you are rejecting compliments, super apologetic, and/or letting others have their way even if it is harmful to you that is wrong. You can be confident and secure in your person. You have to be confident to be able to survive. As a christian I believe I am made in the image of God and He makes beautiful amazing creations. I am a beautiful and incredible creation and person, so no apologies anymore for me being myself…..

2019 was a year of mixed emotions…. Entering the year I had just gone through a huge breakup with the love of my life at that time, confused and hurt I was second guessing myself so I started my blog to really work through my feelings. I wanted to create a safe space for my thoughts and emotions to be heard as well as other people’s thoughts and emotions. In society we are often told to suck it up, that emotions are weak….. that we have to follow the norm in society to succeed. The start of 2019 was my journey to break that norm. I lost my grandmother and my cat this past year as well which really reinforced for me the importance of family AND the importance of taking your time to work through loss and your emotions. Nobody should rush you and nobody should try and belittle how you feel. You have the complete right if someone does that to take a step back and separate yourselves from those individuals. That is not being evil or cold, that is taking care of yourself, your emotions and your overall health.

NOW on the other hand the last couple months of 2019 were magical to me. I’m not sure entirely what started the shift, but November and December were both incredible. I broke through the ice more with my modeling and made some incredible new friends as well as I broke a plateau I had at the gym and watched my strength and size significantly jump. I felt like these past two months were turning points for me. All the love I received and friends I met really helped instill in me that I am enough. I have known that for a while, but these past couple months really solidified that for me. I am more than enough actually. This year was tough, but I was tougher. This year stretched me, but didn’t break me…

So 2020 is going to be my phoenix year. 2020 is the year I will rise from the ashes of the past year and my past, and will be an even more incredible version of myself. Being human I will have my bad days, we all have those bumpy times, but my mindset is that these bumps are just bad days and they will pass. They will not affect my whole week, my whole month, my whole year, my whole life. They are just little life moments that will pass! We all have those days and we just have to remind ourselves that tomorrow is always another day, another chance, and a restart not always a continuation. 2020 is going to be my year of contradiction as well. I will be strong, but also soft and compassionate. Deep and soul searching, but lighthearted as well. I will be confident and secure in my person, but at the same time humble. I will be beautiful, but also intelligent and seek out more knowledge. I will not allow myself to be classified as one thing. There will be people that try and the world definitely will try because it is easier to label and understand one thing rather than many things. This will be a year of discovery, discovery of parts of me I didn’t know existed. My love for myself will grow even deeper this year as well as I experience new and amazing things way beyond what I could ever imagine. I am going to be brave to be myself and explore what this year has in store for me. There are no expectations set because I want to exceed all expectations.

Let’s all make 2020 our year. I know everyone says that at the beginning of every new year, but in all honesty that’s good! It’s good to be motivated again to try and conquer the year ahead with fervor and new found motivation. We all need that recharge, that resurge of energy once in a while to keep going. Here is to our phoenix year… I won’t let my past hold me back. Yes there will always be many parts of my past that have made me who I am today, but also hard work has brought me here. I have put in the time and faith in myself. Sometimes the long road discourages us and we want the short cut and easy way, but if we are willing to put the time and effort in for the long haul the results will be astounding.

S’Agapo

 

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phoenix_(mythology)